Panic

I flicked aimlessly through the channels until I stumbled across a movie, not yet wanting to go to bed. It was a chick flick, one that I hadn’t seen before. Within two segments I had the plot and characters all figured out. It was nearing the end and the revelation of the main character. That was when I started to cry. What for, I wasn’t 100% sure. I don’t normally cry in movies. I got up and grabbed the tissues, my nose running and starting to block up.  But no matter how much I tried to blow my nose more seemed to accumulate just as fast. Next I started coughing. Phlegm was running down the back my throat and now my body wanted it out. So now my nose was blocked and I was coughing, breathing became a problem. I stood over the sink as my body retched and as I tried to calm myself. Tears streaked my face as I struggled to calm myself down; as I struggled to breathe. It was a long and tiring 15 minutes before I could calm myself down. I cleaned myself up and finally left the bathroom. Grabbing my phone I sent a message to the one person who knew me better than anyone else. As I composed it I could feel the signs of panic setting back in. Taking deep breaths, this time I managed to keep it under control. Exhausted, I crawled into bed. I couldn’t handle anything else until morning.

Fog

It is like a fog that clouds your mind, your thoughts and ability determine logic. There is no darkness, just clouded thoughts and feelings, a numbness that takes over. Anger boils and quickly rises to the surface when normally you would be calm. For hours the cloud will eclipse your mind and thoughts, and when it finally dissipates it leaves you with a feeling of emptiness and regret. What have you said, what have you done, what will you do next?

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